Fantasy Flat Track returns to Shoreline

by Belle Tolls

Look out, sports fans! Fantasy Flat Track returns to Shoreline on October 11, and the senseless shenanigans are only just beginning.

Luna Negra brings a football to the track (photo by Jules Doyle)
Luna Negra brings a football to the track (photo by Jules Doyle)

Last year, this event saw costumed teams take off at first whistle with rule-bending antics adequate to entertain even the most hardcore derby fans. We saw backwards skating packs, jammers shooting the duck to score points, and opposing player partners skates (holding hands, ooh la la!). We saw party packs wherein entire teams took the track for a jam (a jammer’s worst nightmare!). We saw the historical introduction of footballs as a component of play.

And all for the sake of the audience—they were the ones in charge; they held the power to make their wildest derby fantasies come true.

And, this year, there will be even more spectacle to be had, more power to behold.

First, the teams will have to be formed… and for that, they need a coach. E-bay auctions for these coveted directorial spots can be bid on here: White … 1555.l2649. Green … 1554.l2649, and end October 6, when the lucky bidders get to pick their teams, and prepare to fight it out in a Battle Royale!

But even non-coaching types will get plenty of opportunity to sway the favor of fortune one way or the other… the imps and elves at Rat City have been hard at work coming up with inspired adventures to force upon the teams, like conga lines, limbo competitions, and add-a-jammer (or remove-a-jammer… a horrible thing to do to any team!).

Only at Fantasy Flat Track can one earn an 8-point scoring pass (photo by Jules Doyle)
Only at Fantasy Flat Track can one earn an 8-point scoring pass (photo by Jules Doyle)

And, as the Misfits famously said: On this day, anything goes… I remember Halloween! In the middle of the costuming season, who can say what your favorite skater will be wearing, or whether you can make them change into the outfit of your choice?*

Halftime act also promises to entertain, with bouncing bubble soccer games by Bumble Soccer (

Special audience possibilities also include the Sofa King Special, an auction item ticket add-on with perks like cozy front-row seating, pizza, and beer (bid here … 1336444379), and more amazing surprises throughout the night.

Come one, come all, and wear your most mischievous pants… because this will be a night where fantasies (and nightmares) can all come true.

Tickets: Adults-$15, Kids-$10, Adults VIP (21+, includes 2 beers)-$25 (

(Couch King Special auction sold separately)

 Event info (, and website (

And, without further ado, your Fantasy Flat Track Skaters:

Calder Bluff #3

Clobberin Mame #440

Deva Stateher #509

Devilynne Syde #666

Domino #62

Ella Whirled #2010

Enurgizer Bunny #0

Ethel Vermin #77

Kendle Bjelland #808

Lebrawn Maimes #24

Liberty Bell Ringer #76

Megan Havok #15

Missile America #321

Ophelia Melons #88

Parker EyeOut #070

Rattleskate #16

Raven Seaward #53

ScrapHer #5150

Sami Automatic #22

Shock Therapy #1400v

Sintripetal Force #1618

Sister Slaughter #480

Thumper Skull #83

Vishus Trollop #106

Sun Shiner #36

Wicked Slam #18

Wreck N Shrew #24


*Recall that we are a PG-13 org and keep it classy, Seattle.